Time to go to horny prison.

An unexpected impact of coronavirus isolation: Everyone's suddenly horny for Paul Goldsmith

As New Zealanders begin to work from home in increasing numbers, some recent troubling social media use may suggest cabin fever is setting in fast. Or, maybe now that everything seems all end-of-days, people are just finally brave enough to admit something they've always secretly believed: National MP and finance spokesperson Paul Goldsmith is hot (The hottest, in fact).

Reporting to you direct from Twitter, Metro has detected a surprising and mildly disgusting trend: people are getting horny for MPs on main. The prime focus of this latent horniness: National MP Paul Goldsmith.

At 12.29pm on Friday afternoon, Pride director Max Tweedie wrote: "Maybe Paul Goldsmith should roll Bridges as leader because we’d see more of him and he is the hottest MP in the House send tweet". 

"I couldn't hide this secret any more," he replied in a thread below. It appeared Tweedie wasn't alone, with another Twitter user saying two days ago that she "just started wondering if paul goldsmith was in fact 'actually hot' while watching parliament tv. i need help [sic]".

Paul Goldsmith, hottest MP?

While some responded correctly by chiding this unconscionable outburst of horniness toward an elected official, others instead added to the disgusting discourse by objecting that in fact other male MPs were hotter. "Really just throwing Andrew Little and James Shaw under the bus huh," one person replied to Tweedie. "Andrew 'Daddy Thicc Snacc' Little is our hottest male MP," wrote another. In a Tweet with a reassuring amount of self awareness, one woman wrote: "Oh god I checked out Iain Lees Galloway the other day. Get me out of the house!!". She was not the only person to express thirst for Lees Galloway, who is according to another woman "the hottest MP in the house".

Whether or not this is a result of everyone spending too much time alone, inside (and perhaps forgetting there are other men, men who we do not elect to represent us, to focus our sinful desires on) is so far not clear. But to quote one reply to a Goldsmith thirst tweet: "people are posting without fear and its beautiful [sic]". In a way, we suppose that's true.

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