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Dear Metro: When is an age gap in a relationship a big deal?

JessB answers Metro readers' queries

Dear Metro: When is an age gap in a relationship a big deal?

Aug 21, 2019 Society

JessB is part of the new generation of Auckland hip hop, and has just released her second EP New Views, a project that talks about personal development and new life experiences that have come from travel and connecting with creative communities here and overseas. We reckon that makes her the perfect person to dish out some life advice.

Metro has got two tickets to Jess’ Auckland show on 20 September to give away. Simply write in to and if your letter is our winner the passes will be all yours.

Read last week’s Dear Metro advice: Welcome, JessB!

Dear Jess,

I noticed at work today there is a very saucy heat reveal mug. Once hot it displays a man’s genitals.

I reckon at home this would be a very highly sought after mug but at work I wonder what the etiquette around it is. Definitely don’t want a client picking it up and using it – might be a bit embarrassing! Should I leave it be? Toss it out? Help! 


Naughty by Nature

Dear Naughty by Nature,

That is hilarious. I love it. Where can I source a mug like this? (Asking for a friend….)

To be honest, I would say etiquette is going to be hugely dependant on what sort of work you do. Who are your clients? If you are a teacher, then you’re probably right. If your clients are adults and can take a joke (I know plenty who can’t, so tread lightly), then it could be fun to throw a surprise / two harmless curve balls (heh) into someone’s day.

Whatever you do, please don’t toss out such a good gag!!!  In fact, if you do decide to get rid of it, feel free to send to me.  Then I can pass on to the friend who was asking about it….

Dear Jess,

What’s your take on couples with a big age gap? I’m currently seeing someone twice my age and I love him big time. But I’m always hearing people giving celebs like Leo DiCaprio a hard time for dating younger women. When does it go from ok to creepy and how can you make it work if one of you wants a family and the other’s already seen their kids grow up? Is it doomed from the start?!

Love from,

In Love

Dear In Love,

I think that age gaps are always complicated. There are so many different things to consider. I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule from when it goes from “okay” to “creepy”, I would say it is more of a case by case basis. If you are 18, and have less life experience, I would say it is a more creepy situation compared to if you are 30. Either way, someone twice your age is a huge gap! 

I think that if you can make it work then that’s great, love is love (when it’s not creepy).  HOWEVER. If you really want kids, and your partner doesn’t intend on having any more- I would say that is a red flag. How much are you willing to compromise for this person? If having children is something that you really want for your future, you need to make sure this is something you think about when dating and choosing a partner. This sounds like you are at two very different stages of life, and I think ultimately it might be really hard to make it work in a way that both of you are happy. Love alone won’t cut it, compatibility (and wanting similar things in life) is key too. All the best!


JessB x

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You can see JessB live at Raynham Park on 20 September.

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