Image: Loryn Englesman (with some tinkering by Jess Allen)

Dear Metro: "Should I commit to my long distance relationship?"

A ubiquitous presence on New Zealand’s celebrity scene, Colin Mathura-Jeffree is an actor, model, TV host – and now agony uncle, for our Dear Metro advice column. Colin is dropping by for a few weeks, doling out sage advice with a little sprinkle of spice.

As our guest columnist, let Colin solve all your problems – and if your letter runs, you’ll be rewarded with a treat from his goody bag haul. To write in, email dearmetro@bauermedia.co.nz

Read last week's Dear Metro advice: "I'm terrified of my best friend dying"

Dear Agony Uncle,

I recently got a job in a mall... Are there any tips to NOT SPENDING all my money every paycheck?

I mean shit, I just blew 50 bucks at the bookstore...

Also, what's the best way to spike one's hair on a budget?

Dear Big Spender,

I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer this question. In my life I enjoy buying for myself and others...when I'm bored- I shop, when I'm not bored- I shop,  that's probably why I fronted the Tourism Australia  Campaign as Ambassador of "shopping & shows". It's why we go to work. Now, I think the trick is to put aside a percentage for saving straight into an account you can't touch but can use for later in a "life's dream spend". After your bills are cleared you can go spend to your heart's content. Never live in regret. I know some wealthy kiwis that are so frugal because they just want to look at their bank balances...what kind of dull life is that? 

Now as for your hair? Its simple to tease it, buy a comb, section off a part and place the comb by your scalp then go up/down furiously to a height of 3 inches. It will spike up and hold. Continue if your hair is longer - you can achieve a mohawk.

Hi Colin,

I have been seeing a wonderful man overseas for the last year. We both travel a lot for work and meet each other in exciting locations. We love spending time with each other and connect on all sorts of different levels.  We are having fun and no one is getting hurt; however, after a year I am wondering is it time to make things more serious?

How do I touch on the conversation with him without spoiling what we already have or should I just friend zone him and move on?

Signed: Wanting Mr Unattainable.

The next letter is our LETTER OF THE WEEK! This week's winner gets a hand-poured Candele E Cristali Sorrento-scented candle, a Moroccoan Oil hair care gift pack, and a laser hair removal voucher with The Cosmetic Company valued at over $1000(!!!).

For this week's lucky winner.

Dear wanting,

Who are you fooling? "friendzone"??? No, you're actually simply in love with him and it's obvious he is in love with you. How do I know this? Its because you both are on an adventure and make the time to see each other all over the world, romantically.

There are many reasons today why people don't know how to commit because we make excuses and fear rejection even in the face of OBVIOUS attraction.

I think the trick is, in those really relaxed casual moments (after you've exhausted him physically- 50 shades, near-death, etc) , look at him & tell him simply the honest words of how happy you feel without an expectation or need of a response... because his presence should be enough of an answer for you. With your liberation he could be open to express his thoughts naturally.

Relationships are a negotiation and that's ok.

In love we must always have our positive outcomes in mind and not manifest fears into reality. You're loved and in love - how lucky are you. Be fearless because love is.

 

Dearest Colin,

As a woman in the business realm I'm up against audacious fellow male counterparts to feel the need to regularly 'mansplain' things that I am not only already proficient in, but could actually surpass their own prowess in. Three times male management have disregarded and overruled my observations and recommendations simply because as they 'mansplained' to me, as management I needn't worry as my recommendations are for their field. 

Consequently, my department suffered a loss three out of three times and of course I have to then become clean up crew and don my 'damage control' wardens outfit and get to work to recoup the losses!

I am often spoken over at board meetings, even had my ideas ignored then recycled as a 'male' idea which was then applauded! I HAVE recently found one small interesting tool of wearing male cologne which stunningly has helped the situation a bit. I can't help but feel sorry for my male colleagues at this strange Dunning-Kruger effect, but equally at a loss at how to overcome it and simply be heard and respected in the workplace? 

Help!

Dear cologne-covered victim,

Your letter made me cringe on so many levels. 

I love that you reference the Dunning- Kruger effect...actually acknowledging the fact your work colleagues are absolutely, embarrassingly incompetent on all levels is a start.

Now here is my issue with you. I think you have to shoulder some of the blame. You have allowed their poor decisions to create an actual loss in your department three of three times, which is three of three times too many.

You need to woman up and square off against them. In your letter to me, the equation you forgot to validate was what an incredible asset you are. Obviously you have a paper trail of their poor decisions vs your recommendations.

You have NOTHING TO LOSE to showcase their failures to those that need to know.

The world is changing. You don't need to yell to be heard. A simple - look away with a raised hand and you can silence the tedious mansplaining. You aren't hired to do fix-ups,  your obligation to the business is for profit, so step outside of the boys club and be the business success story you're clearly destined to be. 

Never live in regret of following someone else's script and hating the role they're forcing you to play.

Also, make sure these clowns at least are on an equal pay scale with you....so often the lads get more for less.

Be the change.

Love

Colin 

xx

To write in, email dearmetro@bauermedia.co.nz

Follow Metro on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and sign up to our weekly email