Image: Loryn Englesman (with some tinkering by Jess Allen)

Dear Metro: "I love my partner but she’s totally addicted to social media"

JessB is part of the new generation of Auckland hip hop, and has just released her second EP New Views, a project that talks about personal development and new life experiences that have come from travel and connecting with creative communities here and overseas. We reckon that makes her the perfect person to dish out some life advice.

Read last week's Dear Metro advice: When is an age gap in a relationship a big deal?

Dear Jess,  

I think my flatmate has an eating disorder. I hear vomiting late at night (most, if not every night) but I’m not close enough with them to broach the subject. 

One of my other flatmates reckons that they just vomit when they have a cold but that feels like a cover for something too serious to let slide… What do I do?!

From,

Worried

Dear Worried,

This is a really really hard situation to be in.  It’s great that as a flatmate you can be as aware as you have been towards the people you are living with even if you aren’t close to them. I would suggest that if you don’t feel comfortable speaking to them yourself- perhaps reach out to someone you know is really close to them and perhaps give them a heads up to what you have heard and are worried about. You could suggest they have a chat to them personally.

EDANZ is an organisation that can provide support to your flatmate if needed, and you can find more out on their website

Again, regardless of what is going on, big ups to you for being concerned and taking action.

 

Dear Jess,

I love my partner but she’s totally addicted to social media. When I wake up in the morning and roll over to cuddle her, if she’s already awake she’ll be lying there scrolling, I often have to repeat myself because she wasn’t listening and was looking at her phone instead, and I’m kinda worried she’ll cause a car accident using it at the wheel. I’m not the kind of person who wants to set “rules” but is it reasonable to ask for phone time boundaries? How rigorously could I enforce them before becoming a controlling partner? It’s driving me crazy – sometimes I feel like we’re in some kind of open relationship and I’m the secondary partner, with the phone as her main squeeze! 

From,

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

If this is my partner I need you to @ me!!!!

(Can you believe I actually just messaged my boo thang to see if they hit up Metro with this for a laugh but nope …. Just me projecting!!  I feel attacked none the less and maybe this is a sign lol)

I too am guilty of checking my phone far too much.  Most people I know are probably addicted to their phones to a certain degree. Most people already know this and would admit it too. I think that it’s no problem for you to bring up the subject if it is something that is affecting your relationship/ important for what you need to feel loved and wanted.  Quality time at the end of the day should be exactly that, without distraction. I think the first place to start would just be to have a chat. If she loves you I’m sure she will respond well!

If she doesn’t respond well and she is constantly on her phone… I don’t mean to be morbid but maybe your main squeeze is somebody else’s side squeeze.  Let’s hope not!!!

This letter is our letter of the week and wins a double pass to see JessB in Auckland on September 20!

Dear Jess,

I’m really torn between finally moving out of my family home and staying in the nest to save my cash money! I’m in my early-twenties and my home situation is working for me at the moment – I like my family, my parents are respectful of my privacy, and my mum is a hella good cook. But I find myself thinking I’m missing out on crazy adventures or deeper friendships that all my friends who are flatting seem to be embarking on. And also feeling like I’m not a proper adult until I do move out? I can afford to move out, but I would be spending waaay more money than I currently do… what do you think?

From,

Scared of Going Solo

Dear Solo,

OMG EARLY TWENTIES I KNOW ITS WILD !!! WE OUT HEREEE . THIS IS A HARD QUESTION. 

Now I’ve finished yelling (I can relate)…  For me personally, I felt like I had to pick one. Flatting shenanigans and memories whilst being more strapped for cash, or staying at home and arguing with mum about why I didn’t make my bed (again) whilst saving money. 

It really depends on what your priorities are? 

It sounds like you have it pretty good at home, but it also sounds like you are pretty keen to move out for the experience. I would say that we are only young once !!!  If you are able to budget well and spend wisely, it’s still possible to save money whilst flatting. Trust me! Yes, you will have less money overall but you will have so much fun and create so many memories. You will learn a bunch too. I also found my relationship with my parents got even better with a little space and room to move. I also have lots of friends in their early twenties who are happy as at home and that’s cool too.

My flatting situation is so much fun and honestly, I would highly recommend.  Worst case scenario, you move out, you hate it. I’m sure your Mum’s hella good cooking will still be available and you could go back home. If that’s the case, you don’t really have anything to lose!  If you do move out - just try to go to your parents' place for dinner one or two nights a week to save on costs. That’s a strategy I’ve been utilising since I left. Works well.

Love,

JessB x

To write in, email dearmetro@bauermedia.co.nz

You can see JessB live at Raynham Park on 20 September.

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