Illustration: Loryn Englesman

Dear Metro: With singer-songwriter Robinson

This week, Dear Metro is being guest written by Robinson, a New Zealand singer-songwriter who after living in London for most of 2019, is back home in New Zealand to celebrate the release of her debut EP Watching You

In March, Robinson will head on her first-ever headline tour in Australia/New Zealand - including a set at Homegrown Music Festival on Saturday March 21st.

Read last week's Dear Metro: "My neighbour's smoking upsets me, what can I do to stop him?"

Singer-songwriter Robinson. Photo: Supplied

Dear Metro,

My friend has recently been doing a new fad diet and has lost a fair bit of weight on it. They won’t stop trying to recommend it to me, even though I haven’t expressed interest in losing weight and after I’ve tried to tactfully say I don’t think it’s right for me. It’s very stressful not to mention boring listening to them extol its virtues. I don’t want to make a ‘thing’ about it, but I would like them to stop talking about it with me – how should I approach this?

From,
Losing It

Hi there!

I think sometimes when we do something new we can become so excited about this new thing that it’s all we end up talking about, whether it be a newly achieved goal, or learning a new skill. I think when it comes to weight-loss, this is where the lines can be blurred because it is such a personal and sensitive thing to each individual that no one should ever assume just because they’ve achieved a goal and are happy with their own weight loss, that everyone they know must want the same thing.

If you’ve already tried letting your friend know that it isn’t right for you and they continue to recommend it to you, I’d bring it up again and this can be done in a drama free way by the tone of voice and words you use. You could say something along the lines of ‘I really want you to know that I’m so happy for you that you’ve achieved this goal and will always be happy and proud of you but need you to understand that I am really not interested in losing weight or going on a diet and when you bring this up to me, it makes me feel *insert how it makes you feel.* I hope you can understand this.”

This is just an example of a way you could approach it but I think letting your friend know how it truly makes you feel will hopefully make them think twice before trying to recommend it to you. Hope this helps!

Robinson xxx

I recently came back to Auckland after a long period of time away, and I feel like the life I left is gone. My friends are still here but I don’t feel like I’m clicking back into place with everyone, and I worry I’m not on people’s radar after being away a while, which makes me sad. How can I build my life again?

From,
Lonely

Hi there!

Wow, I think a lot of us can all relate to this after going away for a long time so you are not alone! I think sometimes when we move somewhere far away, for a long period of time; the life we led can feel very different to return to. Maybe the people in your life are in different places, doing different things, have had new things happen and grown in different ways and it feels foreign as you haven’t been apart of those changes BUT this can be exciting as you’ve also had new things happen, and gone on new life adventures and it could be an amazing time to re-establish your connection with your friends as you all must have so much to catch up on!

I do think the biggest factor in this equation is time! Think about when you first make friends with a person, you get to know the ins and outs of their lives and all the ways they think and before you know it, you’re on each others wave length. It’s the same with re-establishing friendships I believe! You just need to get back on each others wave lengths again which will happen the more time you spend together.

It may be strange at first as things are different to how they used to be but there is so much potential to learn about each other and grow a stronger connection than before! I’d try reaching out to them, and really making the effort as it may just be the fact you’ve been away for so long that you’re not on peoples radar but the more you guys see each other, the more this will change! I also think it’s important to be open to new friendships in Auckland too, as we often change so much through our lives and connect with different people as we do!

Robinson xxx

I’ve started sleeping with someone I really like, but there’s a bit of a problem… turns out he’s a dud in bed but even worse he doesn’t seem to realise it. How can I let him know without hurting his feelings? Or do I say fuck his feelings and just be straight up about it? Help!

From,
Unsatisfied 

Hi there!

This can be a confusing place to be as often we can really like the person, but this aspect can confuse things and perhaps make you question your connection or how much you really like them. However, I think it’s important to think about about the way this person makes you feel first and foremost. How do you feel when you’re around them? Do they make you laugh? Do they respect you? Do you have fun together? Do you have things in common?

Although sex is an important part of a relationship, it can definitely be worked on through honest and open communication and time. It can be a very hard thing to approach with a person, as someone may be offended hearing this but I think you can either have the conversation or you could… show them! I think there’s a stigma in society that if the sex isn’t mind-blowing from the start as it often is in movies, that it’s not worth pursuing but I think the more we get to know a person, we can really become in tune with them and what they like. I’d really encourage you to show your partner what you like and what you don’t like and ask him the same… get on each others wave lengths and see how this changes things! Good luck!

Robinson xxx

Got a problem? Send your woes to: dearmetro@bauermedia.co.nz.

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