The Facebook messenger thumb is rude, obnoxious and should never be used

The thumb reaction in Facebook messenger is awful and should never be used in any circumstance. This is a hard but necessary line to take, writes Metro digital editor Tess Nichol.

A cool thing about being the digital editor for a website like Metro is, within reason, you get to pretty much decide what you’re allowed to write and you have the power to publish it. I have decided to use this editorial freedom to go in hard on my eternal enemy, the Facebook messenger thumb.

A really good use of my time, and an ongoing vendetta I will fight and die on this lovely hill for.

I have despised the wretched thumb for a long time. Several months ago I did a poll on Twitter asking whether the thumb was bad or if it was actually ok. Proving that Twitter is a horrible place filled with awful people, the majority said the thumb was fine. I also once sought the opinion of my usually trustworthy brother who said the thumb was ok and also you could use the feature where you make it different sizes in the chat box to make a sort of thumb Christmas tree which was, in his opinion, cool.

No. The thumb is rude. It is bad. I will not stand for its use any longer. This includes both the thumb reaction in messenger and the thumb reply option. Both are awful and used only by psychopaths, probably.

Think about it - who uses the thumbs up in real life apart from sarcastic assholes, or someone who wants for a one moment to be a sarcastic asshole? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical.

Technically it’s a thumb, sure, but it might as well be a middle finger. The thumb is the online equivalent of someone smirking at you. The thumb is like when you tell a joke and some guy is like “cool story” instead of just politely laughing like a normal person. The thumb is someone turning up to your party out of pity and a sense of obligation. The thumb is a confirmation of every social anxiety you’ve ever had. I hate it with my life.

“Oh, but Tess, it’s a quick and convenient way of showing agreement or confirming a plan,” say the thumb apologists. Sorry but what exactly is so hard about typing “sounds great, x”. I just did it right then, it took me all of two seconds. I can’t even touch type and that’s how long it took. No need for the cursed thumb here, because I have a little something called manners.

The thumb has no place in civilised society and must be banished, and if you are on the right side of history you will side with me on this. Just say no to this laziest way of saying yes.

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