Metroscopes: Tayi Tibble predicts your future
23 Oct – 21 Nov
2020 has been a particularly hard yet satisfying year for you, Scorpio. All Scorpios have a significant phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes type complex and, as a result, thrive on death and destruction, aka 2020. Scorpio’s also love secrets — the dark truths of the world — and this year has been full of them: coronavirus conspiracies, 5G, Trump’s vote – counting paranoia, and something about Tom Hanks and Oprah being child traffickers. But while this year has been thrillingly awful — and even though nothing makes a Scorpio’s underwater volcano blood boil more than being told they are too intense — calm down. The insignificant vendettas you’ve been nursing with a disproportionate passion all year are dampening the cosmic ether. Resolve them by the new astrological year.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
2020 has been a particularly hard but compelling year for you, Sagittarius. No one pretends to be as open to the messages of the universe than you. You’ve been taking all of the blows of the 2020 on your hairy centaur chin and taking it all in your horse legged stride. But while you think this year has made you very wise, the stars would like you to know that even though the air signs in your life have gassed you (your hot takes are not that hot) and are laughing at you, not with you.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Capricorn, with both Saturn and Pluto backing it up in your sign all year, but when times get tough, remember that two out of four of the members of Blackpink are Capricorns, too, and if they can make it through six years of human rights violation-type training before their debut, so can you.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Aquarius. But, good news! 21 December marks the beginning of a new astrological age, The Age of Aquarius (2014). Finally, Tinashe will get the respect she deserves and the universe will find peace.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
2020 has been a particularly hard, terrible, awful and emotional year for you, Pisces, which I’m sure you loved because, let’s be honest, Pisces are happiest when they’re sad and chaotic.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Aries, with Mars being in reverse cowgirl in your sign for the good part of the year. Unfortunately, things aren’t looking to cool off for a while, but then again, you are never cool, are you, Aries, you hot-headed pissbaby of the zodiac.
20 Apr – 20 May
2020 has been a particularly manageable year for you, Taurus, considering all you really want to do is stay home and avoid people anyway. But while you have thrived in lockdown, ask yourself, can you say the same for the people around you? Being locked up with a bull for a good part of the year is a struggle for some.
21 May – 20 Jun
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Gemini. Or has it been all g? See, you don’t actually know how this year has gone for you, just as you don’t know anything about anything and, TBH, the stars aren’t looking any clearer for you, so think about your relationship to social media, remember; you don’t have hot takes you have an extended mental breakdown on the internet.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Cancer, but then again, every year has been a particularly hard year for you. Stop trying to read everyone’s deep, hidden emotions – they’re private. You’ve been overstepping and exposing your own issues with boundaries as a result.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Leo. You’ve been shut in doors for extended amounts of time without an audience to traumatise. Time alone in 2020 should have helped you strengthen your fragile ego. PS, everyone had you on mute on your Zoom meetings during lockdown.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Virgo, but have you been open to the lessons of the universe? The chaos of the world is here to teach you to let go of control and relax, but instead, you smell like bleach and your eye has a twitch.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
2020 has been a particularly hard year for you, Libra, but you’ve done your best to meditate and moisturise through these hard times. Investigate the role of mediator that you have been playing in other people’s lives during these challenging times. Do they really need your advice or are you just enjoying the sound of your own voice?