May 3, 2019 Food
Every week, Metro showcases an unsung hero in Auckland’s ever-evolving food landscape: a dish, a morsel, a bite, a drink, a sweet or savoury treat which we think deserves to be celebrated. We tell you why we love it, and why you might too.
Compare apples with oranges, or any other fruit really apart from perhaps bananas, and old mate isn’t going to fare well. Apples lack the sex appeal of a juicy mango and they’re basically a year-round fruit so you don’t fang them like feijoas. Let’s be real, you’re never going to munch on an apple if there’s pineapple available. But if you’re comparing apples with apples (I promise this as much as I’m going to stretch this joke out) the Braeburn really is king.
Tart yet sweet, crunchy and perhaps most importantly, quite small, these are the perfect healthy treat. They are also the apple you can most trust not be a flavourless piece of shit. Red Delicious? More like Red Not-delicious-at-all-and-very-floury-actually. Sure, a good Pacific Rose is yum, but again it’s a game of Russian roulette as to whether you’ll get a good one, plus they’re about five bites more apple than any person really wants to snack on. Consistency is key and Braeburns are so reliable.
When it comes to treats I am like Sisyphus with his stone, except the stone is resisting the urge to stuff my greedy face with sugar and the hill is every work day. But I’ve found one weird trick that makes Big Lolly hate me – pop a Braeburn in my satchel every morning. Come 3pm, I crunch away joyfully and at a volume which does not take into consideration those around me and at least 50 per cent of the time I forget all about traipsing up to the vending machine for a Crunchie. Braeburn! What a hero!